Parenting

All I can say is that no one told me how vulnerable having a child makes one feel.  From the first time, we saw the positive pregnancy test to this day, I feel weak,vulnerable and challenged.  Perhaps if we viewed our kids as projects (which is the way most parenting experts view them) it would be easier.
They are flesh and blood.  They breathe and walk and talk.  They bleed and cut.  They break and are broken.  Me, too.

We move in love toward them over and over, their response is beyond my control.

I think of the Father in the Prodigal Son (not talking theology here, just impressions).  He loves his boys.  He gets his heart broken by both of them.  One is a profligate jerk, the other a rigid, legalistic, self-righteous, selfish jerk ( can you tell which one I like?)   The Father yearns in love for blessing and joy and fellowship with and between his boys.  He looks for them and his heart goes out to them,  whether they are in the far country or standing at the door refusing to enter the celebration.
What did He do wrong?  What books should He have read?  What seminars attended?

All I can do is look at and for my kids.  I can love them.  And that is often terrifying.