Atonement

We watched one of those sappy, feel-good, Hallmark Christmas shows last night.  It starred Sam Elliot, one of my favorite character actors.  It was a story about redemption.  Through a little girl's cancer, a number of relationships were put back together and a little hope got passed around.  It was a fine story.  However, there was a sub-plot that I found more interesting.
Sam Elliot and another old guy had apparently been estranged for years.  We find out that Sam lost his 13 year-old son in a car accident and his best friend (the other old guy) lost his wife to cancer.  Sam, still grieving the loss of his son was unable to be a real friend to his friend, when his wife died.
At one point, Sam asked his friend to forgive him.  And thus the most powerful point in the movie.
Why?
Well, there was a transaction in the cab of a pick-up truck, where one person acknowledged wrongdoing and another was willing to fore-go continuing to be cold toward his old friend.
It makes me think, that atonement is the crying need of the human heart.  Somehow or other, sin and suffering must be addressed.  That is the genius of the Gospel.
There is a transaction where one who has been wronged, takes to himself the pain of the wrongdoing, absorbing the consequences of another's sin and restoring relationship.
Hallmark did not make this very clear, but it was what struck me. And it was very satisfying, even relieving in a graceful sort of way.
More than anything else, I need my sin and it's consequent brokenness atoned for.  I cannot fully do this either regarding my relationship with my creator or my circle of relationships.
Real satisfaction both for my sin and in spite of my sin are only possible if that sin is atoned for.  Perhaps the reason I am so often dissatisfied with my relationships has to do with my lack of appreciation for the real atonement that must be made, has been made.

NEW!

I'm big on new.  Though not particularly bent on consumerism, I like new stuff.  For 27 years I have resisted the very idea of buying a leaf-blower.  Well... come by the house on Saturday morning and I will introduce you to my newest little friend.  I have been looking forward to the weekend when I will break out my suburban lawn debris mover. Why such a craving for the new?
Well, for one thing it wards off boredom.
I think we also believe the lie that new is improved and better than what went before.  Sometimes it is and sometimes it isn't.  New Coke.
All this is to say, that this hunger for new makes my job very difficult.  The newest thing to talk about in my line of work happened 2000 years ago. Most of the people I preach to every week, know the story or text before I read it.  They know the hymns, they know the liturgy and they know all my sweaters!  I need a new one!
However,  I do think there is something about this new stuff that is really helpful and healthful.  Though I don't need a new Bible or a new theology, I do need a new and fresh understanding and appreciation for  what I already know.  I need it to touch me.  I need it to matter.  I need it to spur on my thinking and my feeling.  It feels like life, because it is.  Refreshing comes not from something new but something old that is fresh and clear and delightful.  It is like seeing something on your route to work that has been there for years, but this morning you noticed it for the first time.
So.. here are a few ways in my study I try to cultivate this.
First I read people who I don't agree with, simply because they use my vocabulary in a new way.  I read some blogs and books that are well-done but not not always Reformed, covenantal and confessional.  They help me experience the old truth in new and challenging ways.  Kate Braestrup and Daniel Kirk help me alot.
Second, I open myself up to the possibility that though 51 and a Christian a long time, I am just beginning.   I need to keep learning.
Third, I need to be around more young people and kids.  They help me re-discover joy.
Well.. that's all I have now, but I plan to write on this some more, when I have something new to say....

Parenting

All I can say is that no one told me how vulnerable having a child makes one feel.  From the first time, we saw the positive pregnancy test to this day, I feel weak,vulnerable and challenged.  Perhaps if we viewed our kids as projects (which is the way most parenting experts view them) it would be easier.
They are flesh and blood.  They breathe and walk and talk.  They bleed and cut.  They break and are broken.  Me, too.

We move in love toward them over and over, their response is beyond my control.

I think of the Father in the Prodigal Son (not talking theology here, just impressions).  He loves his boys.  He gets his heart broken by both of them.  One is a profligate jerk, the other a rigid, legalistic, self-righteous, selfish jerk ( can you tell which one I like?)   The Father yearns in love for blessing and joy and fellowship with and between his boys.  He looks for them and his heart goes out to them,  whether they are in the far country or standing at the door refusing to enter the celebration.
What did He do wrong?  What books should He have read?  What seminars attended?

All I can do is look at and for my kids.  I can love them.  And that is often terrifying.

Cross Country

Today at 2:30 I will watch Guy run for the state championship in cross country.  He is a long shot to win, but nevertheless has a tiny shot at winning the individual championship and a very good shot at the team championship.
A word about scoring....
Cross country (contrary to all appearances) is the quintessential team sport.  Seven runners from each team compete over a 3.1 mile course.  Points are allotted based on how one finishes.  Basically you need to get your first five runners in before the other teams do.  First place = 1, Second=2 etc.  The team with the lowest total wins.
He had a terrible race last week finishing 2nd in his league meet to a boy ( a great kid by the way) he had beaten twice before this season.
I am very anxious for him.  He has worked so hard and in fact a huge focus of his life since June has been prepping for this day.  He has won a number of races this year, however, that means nothing if today is a bad day.
He believes Jesus made him to be a runner and he believes that praying helps him trust Jesus and his training in the heat of racing.  This matters a lot to him.
I am so proud of his work (some weeks he ran over 90 miles).  I am so proud of how he has led his team.  But most of all, I am proud of how he has modelled Jesus as he has cared for his teammates.
If you see this, pray for him.... and me.

Cholesterol

Apparently (thanks Mom) I have it.  My hdl is really good, my triglycerides are really good and my ldl is really bad.  Otherwise I am terribly healthy for a 51 year old.  So, I've been thinking... what if I did not know this?  What if I lived in a time or place where no one told me of the lurking problem in my blood and arteries?

I think this is quite interesting.  Would I just fall over one day with a massive coronary or what?  I probably will anyway, at least now, I have some warning!

I called Marti when I got the results and told her I was dying, which is true for me and for you, dear reader. 

So....

Everyone of us is a ticking time bomb of mortality.  Not to be morbid or anything, it simply is.  which actually means for me, that every second that passes, I'm closer to glory. 

I like it here mind you, and another 30 years would be great.  What is after is better.

Politics

I'll admit it.  I love politics.  It has been a lot of fun to keep up with the election season.  I occasionally look at the New York Times, The Wall Street Journal and the Richmond paper.
My own political philosophy is somewhat libertarian.  I basically want to be left alone, except by my friends, family and Church.
The marvelous thing to me is how religious this political stuff ends up being.  The words that get used are reminiscent of what we say in church and the themes are very similar.  Freedom, Choice, Equality, Human Rights etc.
My problem is that we do not seem to make much progress.  For example, we are in debt, we still abort a lot of babies, we are still at war and we have a lousy post office.
So.. most of my political choices seem to boil down to the lesser of two evils.  Which is not all that bad.  I am glad I have a choice and I am glad there is a tiny sliver of accountability in our system.
However, the Republicans, the Tea Party and the Dems cannot save me or the culture.  Now, they certainly can make things a lot worse, but in the end I believe people are basically sinful.  Government's role is to restrain evil, protect us and  leave us alone.  But, it cannot change a man or woman from the inside out.  Public policy never made someone more holy.
Only Jesus.  We should press for righteousness in our culture, but no one party has the corner on that.  Only Jesus.
Trust me, if we as Christians align ourselves with one politician or party, they will use us for their ends and discard us in the end.  Not Jesus.
Also, random question.
So, before the income tax, how much did the average American interact with or deal with the Federal Government?  It seems like you could do a lot of living back then and never really be affected by Washington at all.

Tate

Nineteen years ago this morning, Marti called me at the office and asked if I thought this day would be a good day to have a baby.  Sure enough, later that evening Tate Bradford Shelby arrived. 

Tate was largely unexpected.  We had suffered months, even years of infertility and the loss of a baby boy at 37 weeks.  So, you can imagine our delight.  We swore we would be tough on him and raise him to be disciplined and not rowdy  and disrespectful like everybody else's kids.  We brought him home and his first evening with us he cried and cried until we (GASP) put him in the bed with us and he slept four hours straight.  I guess he just wanted to be with us.  Social, that one. He likes being with his peeps.

He came with a few problems that required a three hour surgery when he was 11 months.  He was sick alot and we worried that he was not gaining enough weight.  So... we gave him protein shakes.

Early on, he liked puzzles, Thomas the Tank Engine and books.  He has always loved stories.  His first movie was The Lion King.

He has always loved lacrosse and sports.  He knows more stats, facts and figures than anyone I know.  His dream job would be at ESPN.   He is fiercely loyal, generous  and an award-winning potter and an International Baccalaureate Diploma recipient.

But there are two things today, I want to call out about my dear boy.

1.  I have never seen a kid so unafraid to be affectionate with his mother.  Saturday morning, in front of the Souljah Army, his Powder Puff football team he coaches with some other guys, at Tech, he greeted his mother with an embrace and a kiss on the cheek.   Now, he and his Mom have had their share of conflicts, but he cares for her and that makes his Dad really glad.

2.  He gets the Gospel in ways I never did until I was much older.  While sitting in his room, he asked me to listen to music from his computer.  "Dad, listen to this", he said.

It seems that all my bridges have been burned,
But you say, "that's exactly how this grace thing works",
It's not the long walk home that will change this heart,
But the welcome I receive with every start.

"Those are some great lines", he said.  "Mom, these guys sing the f-word in some of their songs, but its OK they're British".  (To Marti, only murder is worse than uttering the f-word).

So...
Tatie, you have made all our lives so much richer.  What a gift your life has to been to us.  Have a great day and only smoke one cigar!